So, the psychic says that the object of your emotional desire is your soulmate, your twin flame… your ‘inevitable connection’, even. But what does all of this actually mean? And are they right?   

I have researched the first two (there wasn’t much on the third), and I couldn’t find anything that tied in with anything I have ever experienced or witnessed. I know of couples who have been together for many years, who have produced children, and who share joint financial and practical responsibilities – but who don’t appear to view each other as two halves of the same soul (the most popular version of a twin flame); and neither do they appear to love each other unconditionally, behaving as mirrors to reflect the others qualities and flaws, knowing exactly what the other is thinking before they even speak… always having each other’s backs and facing the world together (apparent characteristics of soulmates). They’ve managed to keep it together long enough to have created something solid, and they do love each other – most of the time, at least. They have learned to live alongside each other, to tolerate and accept each other’s habits and ways, but they still experience the desire to smother the other in his or her sleep every now and then. Does this make them soulmates? I really don’t know, but I imagine the answer would depend upon their own personal  interpretation of the term. In my experience, couples who have managed to survive and celebrate a decent number of anniversaries would laugh loudly at the suggestion that they are twin flames. Maybe I just don’t know the right kind of people. And, even though I have a long-term relationship, maybe I haven’t actually met my own soulmate or twin flame – so, how would I possibly know?

Anyway, back to what the psychic says. So, the guy in question is proving to be a really tricky proposition. You aren’t having an easy, loving, mutually supportive time with him, under normal everyday circumstances; you aren’t happily getting on with life, sharing good times and jointly working towards the future. If you were, then you wouldn’t be consulting with the psychic because there would be no reason to. He might be playing fast and loose, he might be blowing hot and cold, he might be making arrangements and then cancelling them. He might be skirting around the edges, hinting at possible commitment, whilst doing nothing to take things forward. He might have stopped speaking to you, be ignoring your texts… even have blocked you on social media. And yet, the psychic still says that he is your soulmate – that he’s temporarily confused and doesn’t yet recognise the fact that you and he share an inevitable connection that he will eventually be compelled to surrender to. Now, if you believe that what the psychic says is true, then all you have to do is sit and wait. No need to keep chewing it over, no need to have further consultations or readings on the subject; simply wait until he unblocks you, starts returning your texts, showing up on your doorstep, including you in his life – making plans that genuinely and honestly include you. Right? 

Well… possibly not! What usually happens is that another psychic needs to be consulted, just to be on the safe side. And then maybe another. And possibly one more. If 10 are consulted, 5 may repeat the soulmate story… and those who don’t are likely to be dismissed or ignored. But surely, if the object of our desires truly is our soulmate, we don’t actually need to put ourselves through all of this! It seems to be such an unnecessary waste of time and emotional energy, not to mention money, when all we have to do is patiently wait for it all to fall into place. That’s reasonable and logical, isn’t it?

On the other hand, what if your version of a soulmate is not ‘the one’… but rather someone who causes you to grow through challenge, and emotional pain? Then, what the psychic says could reasonably be true. If you are ever assured, when receiving a psychic reading or intuitive consultation, that a love interest – or, the one who is the source of your heartache and insecurity – is your soulmate, ask them to clearly define what they mean by the term. They are either saying he/she is a compatible, mutually interested, long-term partner (even though they maybe don’t yet know it), or, that they are a ‘mate’ to you, and their (unwitting) job is to make your life difficult, to challenge you so that you change and grow as a result of your association with them. If it is the first, and all you are feeling is pain, ask yourself if it honestly, truthfully makes sense? It might be what you want to hear, but do you actually believe it? Is there enough solid, realistic evidence to support the claim? However, if it is the second, and all you are feeling is pain, then great… you are experiencing one of life’s emotional growth spurts! 

Does it really matter if the lovelorn continue to believe in the existence of a romantic soulmate,  or in the idea that at some point their soul has been torn in two, leaving them to seek out the matching half so that they can become whole again? Of course not. People are free to believe whatever they choose to, and the young are far more likely to be prone to idealistic thinking than those who have been around the block a few times! And, yes, there are couples in long-term relationships who consider themselves to be soulmates (not huge numbers, in my experience!) – but they have worked for it… they have earned it! They became mutual mates of the soul not just through love, but also through all of the other things solid relationships consistently require and demand of us. However, an idealistic belief in soulmates that is casually manipulated in order to extract money, and avoid being given a bad review on the internet, does matter!  Sadly, this is something that happens all too often, and is unlikely to cease happening as long as people are willing to buy into it. 

Just because a developing relationship is a bit sticky at the start, or takes time to get off the ground, it doesn’t automatically mean that it is doomed to end in heartache. Sometimes these things sort themselves out. But, generally speaking, it isn’t too difficult to recognise when the opposite is true – the warning signs are always there. It is cruel to claim, to an emotionally vulnerable person who currently can’t see the wood for the trees and is probably at a low ebb, that the person who is causing them to feel uncertain, insecure, and even rejected, is their soulmate, in the traditionally accepted way. It may be that the psychic actually genuinely believes in what he or she is saying, because this is their interpretation of what they are seeing and feeling, even though it isn’t an accurate assessment. It may be that he or she understands what the customer really wants to hear, and doesn’t want to upset, disappoint or anger them. It may be that they just trot this stuff out as a matter of course, knowing that when people are in a dark place they will pay to hear whatever makes them feel immediately better (as in, being given an emotional painkiller), without caring about how it will affect that customer in the bigger picture. It might seem much harsher to explain to a lonely or heartbroken soul that the person they are hankering after is not the person they believe them to be, is not their romantic soulmate, and is not a part of their future… but that someone else will be, in time, when circumstances are more aligned. However, surely it is better for them to hear that and choose to at least begin the moving-on process, rather than be strung along by someone who either doesn’t know better and means well, or, who does know better but couldn’t give a flying f**k?

 

I believe that relationships are the biggest emotional and spiritual challenge any of us will ever face, and that everybody can develop something that works for them, in their own way, over time. We all have to learn how to actually be in a relationship that is mature and mutually loving and compromising, and will often require a whole host of experiences… heartache and disappointment being two of the most common! Intense, over-investment in the idea of soulmates and twin flames leads to emotional pain and misery more often than it doesn’t; unrealistic expectations cannot be met, which breeds resentment, a sense of failure, and feelings of rejection. A joyful, playful, lighthearted approach to the subject makes it more fun, because we aren’t taking it too seriously – which, energetically speaking, makes us far more attractive! But, even if we can’t quite bring ourselves to do that right now, at least we can free ourselves of the belief that there is only one person for us out there… especially when it is someone we are constantly agonising over and analysing. If that is what a soulmate requires of us, count me out!