“We made a connection”, or “I thought we had a connection, but… !” are two things that anyone who provides intuitive consultations will hear over and over again – occasionally from men, but generally from women.
A connection is an emotional thing, a feeling – and technically speaking, for it to be a genuine, actual connection, it would have to be a two-way process, felt by both parties… otherwise it wouldn’t be a connection. And sometimes that does happen, with the connection leading on to greater things, such as a long-term or committed relationship.
However, billions of ‘connections’ end up fizzling out or dying a death, leaving behind a trail of confusion and disappointment… usually for just one of the two people involved.
So, let’s take a closer look at romantic connections, and what they are really all about. To start with, here are 4 different kinds of ‘romantic’ connection:
The flirty connection
Some people are accomplished flirts; they are play-actors, enjoying their own performance, but who find it thrilling when the flirting is enthusiastically reciprocated. However, they also like the challenge that comes from flirting with someone who is a little shy or coy… but who continues with the process, rather than removing themselves from it. Claiming to feel a connection is a common port of call for this person, and means nothing to them. Okay, there is obviously some degree of attraction involved, but still… the connection is physical, short-term, and shallow. In defence of the average, seasoned flirt, the intention may not be to deliberately fool and hurt the object of their brief interest… they aren’t serious, and naively expect that to be understood. However, there are serial-flirts amongst both genders who have issues that lead them to deliberately hurt others by getting them on the hook before dumping or blanking them. But it all still comes down to one bottom line, basic fact: if we don’t allow ourselves to be easily seduced by the idea of a romantic ‘connection’, they can’t hurt us!
The sexual connection
It is all about physical attraction and conquest. The sexually-motivated sweet-talker knows for sure that flattery, attentiveness… and confiding that they feel a ‘strong connection never before experienced’… often has a high success rate. They might even be willing to play the game over a period of weeks… because it is all about the chase and the end result. They may quickly lose interest after the event, or keep their ‘connection’ on the hook, never dating them or including them in everyday life – but showing up every now and then for sex, or expecting sexting. And again, it all still comes down to one bottom line, basic fact: if we don’t allow ourselves to be easily seduced by the idea of a romantic ‘connection’, we won’t become a victim of this kind of operator! Once maybe – but more times than that… shame!
The needy connection
Emotionally needy people with low-self esteem can sometimes ‘fall in love’ with anyone who shows initial interest, or is kind to them… which definitely includes men! If a love interest is claiming to feel an intense connection within a very short period of time of you being around them… talking about love, even… this is not a genuine, healthy joining of two hearts, minds and souls – it is desperation! To someone who is hungry to be loved and appreciated, hearing these things could seem wonderful. Well – if it truly IS real, there is no need to go rushing in at a zillion miles an hour, creating an emotional drama based upon a sudden and mysterious ‘connection’ – the relationship will naturally continue to develop and grow. If it isn’t real, it will have fizzled out within days, weeks, or, at the latest, months … as will the supposed connection!
The friendly connection
Two people get chatting, and a friendship develops. There may well be a bit of a spark, a bit of under-lying romantic interest… but it remains, to all intents and purposes, a friendship. However, one of the ‘friends’ feels a connection and is sure that the other person must feel it too. They begin to over-analyse it, looking out for validating signs that the connection is mutual… only to become frustrated that there is no progression from being flirty mates to committed partners – with the end result often being a falling-out and a parting of the ways. This situation becomes particularly fraught because of unexpressed, underlying emotional and sexual tension. There have been hints… but little or no action. Eventually, a crack appears and an argument is picked, but it is usually not about the fact that one of the two believed there was a connection that the other obviously wasn’t feeling (at least, not in the same way); the argument will be about some other issue entirely – basically, a smokescreen. Unfortunately, unresolved issues often leave a residue behind, and with the above scenario it is usually still about the connection, and the belief that it was meant to be… so why isn’t it?
A connection is a starting point, not a destination!
There always has to be something that brings people together, and not just in romantic relationships. It can be physical, it can be emotional, it can be a mutual interest or cause, it can be an unconscious attraction based on non-obvious elements (such as similar past experiences). A connection is only a starting point, not a destination. A feeling of connection does not automatically mean that something was ‘meant to be’, which seems to be a popular belief. And, as I said earlier, the sense of connection can be much stronger on one side than the other, and different in quality and nature. More often than not a man’s version of a connection is very different to a woman’s… and he can be baffled when she takes it more seriously than he does – or even oblivious to the fact that she is feeling it so deeply. We need to stop idealising the notion of romantic connection, making it the be-all-and-end-all of dating. Connections are like stepping stones: some will lead to a brief experience, others to something more long-term and meaningful… and they are all equally important in their own way, because they all change us in some way. If you have suffered because of a connection you were convinced was real and meaningful, but that didn’t progress in the way you hoped it would, don’t become all bitter and twisted! Continue to be open to connections of all kinds, reminding yourself that they are merely little opportunities to do a bit of exploring!