It is a phrase I have heard many, many times – and it is always a lie! Think about it: NOTHING good EVER happens to me. Nothing? Ever? The last time this miserable phrase assaulted my ears was around 2 months ago, courtesy of someone who was having the kind of uncomfortable problems we all experience in life – someone in possession of reasonable health, with people on the planet who love her and whom she loves, enough money to live on, access to health care, technology, education, and transport… the precious things that are far too often taken for granted, especially by the habitually dissatisfied. This lady’s problem was a frustrating relationship issue, a situation that was being allowed to balloon out of perspective, overshadowing every other aspect of her life. And you might say, “oh, well, it’s just a phrase, something we all say at times – it doesn’t mean anything!” And I would respond with “sorry, but you are dead wrong there!”

Words are far more powerful than you might imagine and although we all experience periodic dips (crashes, even) throughout our lives, it requires a certain kind of thinking to allow the offending statement to slip so guilt-free and easily from our lips. If we say it just once – without immediately thinking, “Ouch, I really didn’t mean that, I do have so much to be grateful for, I am just feeling bad about this particular situation at this moment in time” – we are likely to think and say it again. And believe it. Which has the capacity to lead us to unconsciously seek out anything that validates our belief that “nothing good ever happens to me.” Nobody wants to live with that kind of label or associate too closely with anybody who does.

Every aspect of our life has its own, individual energetic field, and we are always in the process of attracting and repelling. Our brain is aware of everything we think and feel, especially the stuff we repeat over and again, creating new neural connections accordingly – programming us to automatically replay and act out the old, familiar patterns. And our unconscious mind is continuously sucking it all up, even when our conscious mind has temporarily been distracted away from the issue, ready to bring it sharply to the fore every time we think about or experience something similar. It likes to match things, to join the dots; if we have unwittingly programmed our unconscious mind to accept that nothing good ever happens to us, it is duty-bound to assist us in being right (basic survival instinct). It will cause us to be aware of, and even attracted to, circumstances that ‘prove’ our beliefs to be correct. Of course, that is not all that the unconscious mind is about, but its contents are all our own work – nothing gets in there that wasn’t generated by us, wittingly or unwittingly.

So, what are other examples of the kind of thinking we really need to avoid like the plague?

Well, here are 6, to be going on with:

1) Why do bad things always happen to me?

2) Why does everyone let me down?

3) Bad things happen to good people.

4) No good deed goes unpunished.

5) Why am I so unlucky?

6) Why do I always attract the wrong people?

Where destructive beliefs are concerned, there is often a tendency toward generalisation, the biggest culprits being the words always, everyone, and continuously. As in: “I am ALWAYS unlucky!”, “you CONTINUOUSLY do things to hurt me!”, “EVERYONE lets me down!” Imagine being the person who is always and continuously kicked in the gut by everyone else? Not an attractive proposition, you’d think… but some folk appear to gain a dubious form of reward from that mindset!

So, whilst it is true that one-off or off-the-cuff remarks don’t carry too much weight, never underestimate the potential cumulative effect of habitual negative thinking – the most insidious form of self-harm! We are all going to suffer at times throughout our lives; we are all going to want to howl at the moon, or stand on a mountaintop and scream from the centre of our very being. Or grab God/the Universe/fate by the throat and throw out our best possible punch. However, if we retain even one ounce of awareness and gratitude, we won’t reduce the precious aspects of our lives to mere rubble. Whenever we take for granted the things that are a part of our everyday life (including the basic things that other human beings can only dream of), willingly buying into bitterness and resentment, we are signing up for the dark side – and no good can ever come of it. Having seen how it poisons and weakens those who consistently indulge, my advice would be to cry your tears of frustration, get your rant and cry your tears, reassess, re-group… and regain a sense of perspective. You will rise again, I promise. 

However, all of this is easy to say, isn’t it? When we’ve been repeatedly beaten down by life over a period of time, causing us to struggle to find even a spark of hope or belief that any greater force actually cares about us, we can find ourselves sinking into a victim mindset. And when we do, positive thinking and gratitude might not be enough to help us begin the healing process. If you suspect that you might be thinking like a victim, or know that you are but don’t know how to resolve it, you will definitely find this post both illuminating and helpful: “WHEN WILL MY LIFE GET BETTER?” ARE YOU THINKING LIKE A VICTIM? 11 SYMPTOMS AND 11 SOLUTIONS