Why we are obsessed with romantic relationships – and why we need to change our approach.

The human race is obsessed with romantic relationships and the desire to find ‘the one’ – but sadly, it now seems trickier than ever to meet someone and develop a relationship that has long-term potential. Not impossible – but definitely not easy.

You might feel that the above statement is a bit over-the-top and rather insulting – but I can assure you that it isn’t… and that I don’t intend it to be. You see, the biggest single reason people use intuitive or psychic services is because of their love life (or lack of). There is an endless tide of lovelorn, lonely, rejected or frustrated individuals who want to know when they are going to find a relationship that they can believe in and rely upon. The question has to be, if so many people are looking for love, why is it so hard to find? The internet and television are awash with reality shows that are centred around dating, relationships, and infidelity, and YouTube is swamped by those offering advice on love (some of it pretty questionable, I have to say!). It is huge business, right now… but without much obvious headway being made.

So, before we go any further, let’s first explore a few ideas about why human beings are so obsessed with romantic relationships (in no particular order!):

They believe that they are not ‘whole’ or complete without a partner

They feel that having a partner validates their self-worth – proof that someone wants them

They crave acceptance and unconditional love, and believe that that is what a partner should provide

They fear they may be alone for the rest of their lives

They want to get it sorted, done and dusted, so that they can stop worrying and searching!

They want someone to share experiences with

They crave that certain someone who will support them and understand them

They envy those already in settled relationships, longing to belong to that particular ‘club’!

They have a need to be needed

They have a kind of loneliness that cannot be satisfied by friends and family

They struggle to be happy with their own company for too long

They idealise romantic relationships, imagining that everything will be wonderful when they find ‘the one’ – that boredom, disappointment and struggle will fly out of the window, never to return!

Of course, there are probably many other reasons for human beings being obsessed with romantic relationships, but these were the ones I was quickly able to bring to mind. And most of them are actually completely understandable and reasonable… though one or two less so!

So, why is it so hard to find love in a world that is wide open, a world in which people can connect within seconds – with anyone, anywhere?

Well, maybe because everyone is so easily accessible. Love interests are a bit like buses… another one will be along in a few minutes! Also, it seems to me that the human race is becoming more narcissistic, and that too many people believe that they are worthy of things that they are not… including partners! I have spoken with many who have a hit-list of absolute requirements in a partner, but who haven’t given much thought to what that person should expect from them in return, apart from love and loyalty (both very subjective!). In this case, it becomes one-way traffic… and in such a competitive market, no-one is going to get away with that kind of thinking for too long! And that is the bottom-line fact: thanks to the internet, and to social media, modern dating IS a highly competitive arena, and actual, genuine love is not being given a chance to develop. A battle exists between those who jump in far too quickly, pushing for evidence of commitment way too soon, and those who like to play the game but who go into retreat the moment the other person appears to be hooked. I am exhausted from advising the lovelorn to STOP rushing in too soon, for their own good… but in truth, the lovelorn rarely listen!

As you can see, I have been giving the subject of modern dating a lot of thought, as it does play a huge role in my average working day! There are ideas I have come up with, but dismissed, because experience has proved to me that when it comes to matters of the heart, common sense and good advice will often be thrown out with the rubbish. I think it comes down to our programming and primeval urges… and who am I to believe that I can influence that? However, there is no doubt in my mind that dating in the here and now is completely, absolutely different than when I was in my teens and twenties. And it isn’t better or easier.

For example, I know of perfectly nice women who have been sent pictures of men’s nether regions, via dating sites. Now, I am definitely not a prude (it’s a generational thing!), but these are dating sites – not MATING sites, for God’s sake! That really p****s me off – how dare you, you obnoxious s**t? Everything has its place. Maybe some women do the same, and I wouldn’t argue against it – but, as I said… the appropriate place and time!

So, it has to be accepted that finding a genuine, consistent love interest – never mind actual love – is a difficult proposition for many in this supposedly enlightened age. And, if that is true, then adopting the most productive, considered approach is the only smart way forward! If what we are doing isn’t bringing the results we require, why keep doing it? We can fight against it, repeatedly becoming disappointed and disillusioned – but what’s the point? We have to be able to understand the challenge we are facing, and get savvy – if we don’t want to lose ourselves in the process.

I wrote my booklet, originally entitled: Attraction And Dating: How To Successfully Navigate The HoneyTrap, for all of those who came to me again and again with dating problems… and initially I couldn’t give it away. It wasn’t that people were reading it and saying, “This is rubbish” (well, some probably did) – they just weren’t buying it, for 99p, on Amazon – which didn’t actually surprise me, because, as I said, where matters of the heart are concerned the head rarely listens. Anyway, I removed it from Amazon and turned it into a blog on my website. I also later wrote a condensed version as another blog: Dating Frustration And Disappointment – 6 big reasons! Because, you see, there really ARE 6 major pitfalls that seekers of love can fall into, oh so easily!

Allowing the subject of our love life to become the dominant feature of our thinking has a tendency to to cause us to feel disempowered, sad, and frustrated – but, there are definitely steps we can take to release ourselves from that miserable cycle, as outlined in my blog: Why Fixating On Love – Or Lack Of – Seriously Holds Us Back!

And women can be as guilty as men of adopting a soulless approach to dating, albeit in a different way, as explained in my blogs:

Women Objectifying Men – As Potential Partners!

If He’s Jerking You Around, Blowing Hot And Cold – Dump Him, He Isn’t Mr Right!

I believe that the nature of dating has changed massively within the last 20 years, and that a new understanding is required if seekers of love are to, a) maintain their self-esteem and sanity, and, b) have any degree of success. I am going to write more on this subject within the next couple of weeks, so don’t forget to check in!

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An intuitive consultant, blogger and writer; a lover of motorbikes, Formula 1 motor racing, music, reading, walking, camping and ongoing self - improvement!

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