He can’t seem to get enough of you, and is constantly texting or calling. He addresses you as babe, gorgeous, sexy or darling. He makes sure he contacts you to say goodnight and to greet you in the morning. He hints at, or even openly talks about, the things that you and he are going to do together… soon. And even though you realise that you don’t really know this guy too well (you might not even have met in the flesh yet)… you still can’t help believing that this is special – that he is special – and you find yourself smiling your way through the day, feeling incredibly wanted and desired.
Then all of a sudden his text messages become shorter and fewer. He takes hours, days even, to respond to you.
Or he cancels the plans you had made to meet up.
Or he simply stops contacting you altogether.
Or worse… when you try to connect with him on social media, you discover that he has blocked you.
I don’t know why so many men (or should I say boys) do this, but I do know that I have been consulted on this subject by probably thousands of ladies (and also a number of males) over the years. Unfortunately, technology has made it so easy for these emotional sadists to unleash their cruel game-playing on the unsuspecting or naive. It is such a waste of time and energy, and makes no sense whatsoever… at least to anyone who is generally straightfoward and ‘normal’!
Having said that, it isn’t all black and white, and the circumstances under which this scenario occurs are not always identical. For example, sometimes the one who ends up being messed around has over-estimated the connection, and has been reading into things that simply don’t exist… taking it all too seriously. It really hurts to have to admit this to ourselves, and some people struggle to find the courage to do so. But, if we recognise that maybe we did allow ourselves to become too invested in the situation too soon, we can learn from it… and avoid falling into that trap in the future! There is no shame in living and learning!
However, what if the above is not the case? What if we consider ourselves to be pretty well-grounded and savvy, and yet we still somehow manage to be drawn in and fooled by am immature player? What are we to make of it all then… and what do we need to do, to remain on an even keel?
Well, first and foremost, we really need to make sure that we don’t waste further time and emotional energy on this situation, grieving and brooding, raging and hurting… asking why, why, why? That will only hurt us, whilst having absolutely no impact whatsoever on the source of our pain and embarrassment!
Secondly, we need to keep a sense of perspective, and recognise that although game-players definitely exist, they only actually represent a small percentage of the entire male gender! And if we find that we are running into game-players again and again, actually recognise the pattern and work out what the common denominators are (apart from us!). Are we consistently using the kind of dating sites that clearly tend to be frequented by players? Are we attracted to the same kind of guy without even realising it? Is our own approach giving the impression that we are just looking for a good time… or that we are easy pickings? And what we really want to avoid, for our own good, is becoming overly wary or even bitter, where dating is concerned… hence the sense of perspective!
Thirdly, we break it down and analyse why some guys insist on behaving in this unacceptable and cruel way… and what the reasons behind it all are (only so that we can be sure to be one step ahead of them, if it ever happens again!)?
Here are 9 reasons I can think of for some guys blowing hot and cold… (or backing off without a word)… in no particular order!
1) They are incredibly immature – full stop. And who wants to become involved with a toddler in a man’s body?
2) They are completely self-centred and self-interested, fascinated by the sound of their own voice, and their capacity to charm and ensnare women… losing interest when the desired result has been achieved.
3) They have such low self-esteem that they use technology as a tool to create and present a false version of themselves that would die a death in the real world. Anyone can be anything they would ideally like to be… behind the safety of a phone or computer.
4) They have a boring, unfulfilling life and survive by filling in the gaps with periodic romantic/flirty liaisons that excite them for about 5 minutes… before moving onto the next one.
5) They already have a partner, and maybe even kids… and this is how they reassure themselves that they’ve still ‘got it’.
6) They know that they aren’t up to much, but still fancy the idea of having a gorgeous girlfriend… and back off when things seem to be progressing to the point at which they are going to have to stand up and be counted!
7) They believe themselves to be the personification of masculine perfection… and that they are duty bound to share their charms out amongst the drooling female population!
8) They are looking for the perfect woman, and temporarily believe they have found her in you – until you do or say something that shatters their unrealistic illusion. And then they move on to the next one…
9) They begin to realise that you are smart and have your own beliefs and opinions – not to mention ambition – and they feel challenged… and unwilling to rise to it.
Being romantically drawn in before being coldly ignored or blocked is something that many of us are likely to experience at least once throughout our dating years… and we will always survive it! We might even do it ourselves to some hapless soul… (and if we do we need to feel a little bit bad and make sure that it is a one-off!).
And I have one more thing to add: this blog does not mean that I am a man-hater, contrary to certain opinion out there on the internet (I am not being paranoid… I have been informed by several customers that this is what they have read or heard on one forum or another – plus, it pops up on Google sometimes!). I do like men, and I like women (not in the biblical sense!) – or at least, I like those who are generally personable and reasonable, with a bit of common sense and a degree of self-awareness… regardless of gender!