Perpetual, self-proclaimed victims are more than an exhausting nuisance – they can be highly dangerous, too. It is absolutely possible to be a genuine victim in life without adopting a victim mentality. I’ve met some amazing, courageous souls who’ve faced hell and yet have somehow managed to retain an awe-inspiring, philosophical, humble outlook. I’ve also crossed paths with many more whose bitterness oozes from every pore, over the kind of experiences most human beings face – such as childhood neglect, destructive relationships, financial hardship, and poor workplace associations. They seem to believe that everyone else has had an idyllic childhood, that no one else has had to struggle to stay afloat, and that others haven’t had to compromise and self-sacrifice in their close relationships. Basically, it’s all about them, and they will, given half a chance, break the spirit of even the most tolerant and well-meaning supporter. 

The favourite pastime of the self-proclaimed victim is blame. Their finger is always pointing outwards – whilst they infuriatingly, and flat out, deny they are doing so. They consistently rewrite and rearrange history in their own favour, compulsively repeating their twisted version of events to anyone who will listen. And pity them. And help them. However, the ‘victim’ rapidly forgets about the help they have received, often biting the hands that have fed them. 

And then there is the downright refusal to accept a single ounce of personal responsibility. Nothing is ever their fault. They’ve always got a defence. There’s always a ‘reason’. My advice is, having been on the soul-destroying, receiving end of incessant blamers many times throughout my life (we often repeat the same old destructive patterns until we eventually wake up and break the cycle), to get the hell away from them and never look back. It doesn’t matter who they are… parents, partner, friends, colleagues – escape or shut those b******s down. If you can’t escape, create an impenetrable force field around yourself, and don’t give an inch. Always, always accept responsibility for your own contribution or wrongdoing. That’s right and fair. But refuse to bear the weight of their misery, disappointment, failings, weakness, and unhappiness. I don’t care if they have a mental health disorder. That doesn’t give them the right to drag others down with them into their s**t-filled pit, where joy and hope go to die. 

Because here is a fact: No amount of understanding, tolerance, patience, or self-sacrifice will make a jot of difference. They’ll suck it all up and then spit you out. They’ll take and take, and then, when you’re finally broken, they’ll turn on you. They’ll kick you squarely in the gut whilst you’re down because there’s only room for one victim – them.

There’s a particular kind of evil that comes with the self-proclaimed victim, that injures reasonable, unwary, decent human beings. They can split families, isolate those close to them, turn people against each other, and mentally and emotionally scar those they should be nurturing. They can even commit crimes, deliberately implicating innocent others. Not only that, they are masters of persuasion with those who don’t know them, cleverly extricating sympathy and support. They are bereft of empathy, talk only about themselves, and manage their own lives poorly. As you can probably tell, I am more than familiar with this ugly, unforgivable aspect of the human psyche, and I have zero tolerance for it. And I can tell you, it took me years to finally reach that point. When I see others being held to ransom by serial victim-blamers, the rage within me surges like a tsunami. And if anyone tried to pull that stunt with me now, I’d wipe the floor with them. I don’t care who – partner, family member, friend, associate, customer, stranger. Unfairly guilt-trip me at your own peril!

We all feel sorry for ourselves periodically, sometimes with good reason, sometimes not. But that’s not what we’re talking about here. Bitterness makes us ugly, inside and out, and no good ever comes of it. Just because we have the right to feel or do something doesn’t mean we should. Where the hell is our pride when we make our victim status public? Who the hell aspires to that? No one worth knowing, that’s for sure.

I hope, if you are currently suffering at the hands of a bitter, blaming, self-proclaimed victim, this acts as a wake-up call. Or reassures you that you are not the problem, helping you to start breaking free. I hope, if you’ve been at the mercy of such a monster, that you understand that nothing you could have done would have made a jot of difference. You might be going through therapy, or require therapy, as a result of your experience. Don’t let your wounds fester. Don’t become bitter, yourself, otherwise they’ve won and you’ve lost. Get even by being happy, despite them, and never allow another soul to cause you to feel responsible for their misery, weakness, and failure. And, lastly but most importantly, if you are in physical danger, which sometimes happens with these aberrations, get help right now. I beg you, save yourself, before it’s too late.