I used to think that energy vampires are just people who moan a lot, talk about themselves incessantly, or are consistently negative – or even just plain boring. However, I have come to realise that energy vampires can be far more insidious than that. And, they are amongst us right now, even in the form of family members and friends.

Having said that, let’s be honest; we have all been guilty of being a bit of an energy vampire at some point in our lives, haven’t we? I know I have. I remember talking to a woman, many years ago, watching with growing shame as her face started to collapse before my very eyes – I was draining her and could see the impact that it was having upon her! I immediately lightened the conversation – whilst vowing to be more mindful of my own behaviour, in future.

It has to be said, though, that most energy vampires have very little self-awareness. And are largely living unconscious lives. I believe that one of the main purposes of the experience of life in this physical dimension is to evolve into greater consciousness – and therefore in self-awareness – through an incarnational process. How many incarnations a human soul will require will be dependent upon themselves. Which is what makes the sharing of life on Earth so tricky, because we are all at different stages of consciousness – with some human beings appearing to be utterly resistant to the idea of growing and becoming a more conscious, empathic soul. And it is these who are the most dangerous.

So, yes, habitual moaners, those with an entrenched victim mentality, the self-absorbed, and the plain unaware, can drain our mental and emotional energy as if a plug has been pulled. But it is the true stealers of our time, happiness, and sanity, even, who are the creme da la creme of energy vampires. However, before we get to them, let’s list ways in which people (including those that we love) can leave us depleted and frustrated – sometimes without even recognising that that is what has just happened to us… believing that it must be something to do with ourselves, as in, “Why am I suddenly feeling so bad?” 

People who habitually talk too loudly. I have definitely been in the company of this type of energy vampire, and the ultimate effect they have is to cause you to feel as if you are being repeatedly banged over the head with a blunt instrument. We used to have a neighbour who insisted upon conducting her personal business in her kitchen, with the back door wide open. Also, whenever she bought anything new, she’d be straight on the phone to everyone she knew, making sure to let them know exactly how much it cost. And how do I know this? Because we heard every single word. We couldn’t get away from the sound of her voice, on some days. After she finally moved out, I feared I’d gone deaf for a while.

People who persistently talk over you. They might seem harmless, as in, they’re not really aware of what they are doing – but, having had a number of dealings with one particular woman who does this, I started to suspect that, behind the friendly smile she always wears is a darker desire to control people and situations. The last conversation I had with her ended with me finally telling her to shut up… in no uncertain terms.

People who refuse to acknowledge what you are saying, as if you haven’t even spoken. These energy vampires continue to push their chosen agenda, their own point of view, regardless of your response or explanation. They won’t take no for an answer. And, when they finally push you to the point of snapping, they take offence. “I was only trying to help you” or “Your problem is you won’t take advice” are just two of the ways in which they turn the tables on you. You can never win with this kind of EV.

People who always, always have problems – but who are never open to solutions, or healing of any kind. And this is because they have come to validate themselves through their victim status. It has now become their identity and they have nothing with which to replace it.

People who only ever talk about themselves – as if no one else in the world exists. When my children were younger they reached a point of begging me not to ask “How are you?” of anyone I knew, whilst out and about or shopping. And that’s because those people often told me exactly how they are – in great, lengthy detail – whilst the kids hung about, becoming more and more bored and fed up. “Next time, just say hello and walk on” they pleaded. It made me laugh – but I did understand their point of view. There are so many people out there just desperate for someone to off-load onto, which doesn’t make them bad – just exhausting. And I suppose there is a difference between the brazenly self-absorbed and the lonely or unheard. Nevertheless, they are energy vampires.

People whose only conversation is centred around their aches and pains – to anyone who will listen, especially the empathetic and polite. I am not criticising those with ongoing health conditions; I’ve experienced long-term pain myself, in the past, and understand how it can get you down. I’m talking about those who think that the world has the time, energy, desire, and will to hear all about their sore this, that, or the other – again and again.

Obviously, some of these energy vampires aren’t the worst people in the world and we’ll probably tolerate them when we have to, with at least some degree of good grace (usually because they are family members or friends and we feel we have a sense of duty toward them). 

However, the worst kind of energy vampire is one who is destructive, calculating, manipulative, dishonest, delusional, and devoid of conscience or a sense of personal responsibility. And they usually have all of the time in the world to push their insidious agenda, becoming an agonising thorn in our side. It feeds them and they thrive upon it. They are usually also clever enough to cover their own tracks, deliberately presenting themselves as honest, friendly individuals, or as victims (dependent upon which will serve them better) to the people they want to hide the truth from – the people even they can’t afford to upset. The people they really need to have on their side. If you become a victim of this type of energy vampire, and you don’t immediately spot the red flags or act upon them, they have the capacity to make your life a living hell. These evil-doers can be (I’m afraid to say) family members, neighbours, colleagues, or even strangers who latch on to us. And because they operate in the shadows, others will not always understand the severity of the situation – which in turn causes us to feel very alone. And they bring out the worst in us, which causes us to feel bad about ourselves and our mindset. They steal from us, sometimes financially, but always spiritually, mentally, and emotionally. They are like dead creatures, inside – living, breathing zombies. I pray that you won’t ever become involved with this king of all energy vampires – but, if you do, fight tooth and nail to keep your head above water and to retain your sanity.

The best way to handle this narcissistic energy vampire? Cut them out as quickly as possible, as soon as you even begin to suspect what they are about. Or, if you don’t manage to do that, find the courage to stand up to them – because they are always bullies. If they believe that they have gotten into your head, they will ramp it up even further. And, if you are unable to do that (obviously you do not want to put yourself in physical danger), then refuse to be baited by them (as hard as that might be). They need your response. They need your fear, your anger, your frustration, your compliance. Ignoring them, brushing them off and behaving as if they are having no effect upon you whatsoever, drives them crazy. They hate it. They’ll even push harder for a while… before starting to lose momentum. However, this does require a lot of courage and a strong resolve. Call upon the assistance of the police, or any other relevant authority, if need be. Lean on those who recognise what is going on and are supportive of you. Accept all productive help. And meditate or pray. At the very least, it can help you to feel stronger and less vulnerable.

The good news is, either we eventually reach a point of no return and finally stand up to them – or they become bored and move on – or they push their own luck just that bit too far and trip themselves up. But all of this can take time, I’m afraid. Nonetheless, I promise you, from experience, that having once been on the receiving end of such insidious, soulless bullying, we are unlikely to allow ourselves to be subjected to it again. Ever. We’ve learned the hard way – and it ain’t happening twice.

Listen to this post as a YouTube video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zyWG8BLbadk&ab_channel=SpiritOfLife