I am not looking for love and I am not subjecting myself to the rigours of dating sites – but I know plenty of hopefuls who are. And I have been shown pictures of potentially suitable matches… and they all look the bloody same to me! Preened men with deliberately coiffed hair (that is supposed to appear as if they have done absolutely nothing with it except step out of the shower and towel dry), perfect beards, tattoos and a (sometimes not-so-impressive) six-pack… which can be seen because they are proudly posing naked from the waist up. Is someone cloning these self-professed sex-Gods… whose favourite mantra appears to be, “I’m not looking for a relationship.” They make me sick, to be honest. Call me old-fashioned (well, you probably will, given that I am 61), but how on earth is that attractive? Especially when they are in their late 20’s and even early 30’s? For the love of God, grow the f**k up!

Get off the dating sites, you morons!

Okay, I have to admit, in ‘my day’ I wouldn’t have been attracted to this kind of guy anyway, he just wouldn’t be my type, so maybe I am biased – but the arrogance that oozes from them is breathtaking. Narcissism is so prevalent now it has become the acceptable norm. Now, I may be giving them an unfair press because most of the people I know who are looking for love via dating sites are women, and I am sure that a female counterpart to Mr Emotionally Unavailable probably exists. However, it is the ‘aren’t-I-f*****g-amazing men’ that I am talking about here, and the endless stream of perfectly nice, attractive women they woo and flirt with… before bringing them crashing down to earth by informing them that, “you and I want different things – I’m not looking for a relationship.” Well, get off the dating sites then, you morons. There is a difference between a bunny-boiler of a woman who expects a marriage proposal after the first conversation, and one who is interested in getting to know you with a possible view to developing something more meaningful. If it is hook-ups alone that you are interested in there are probably zillions of online sites that are more up your street – so, how come you are wasting the time and emotional energy of women who are looking for a decent, mature, mutually-supportive relationship (which is why they are on the dating site in the first place)?

I’ve got you sussed…

I have a few theories: you don’t have the bottle to put yourself out there on genuine hook-up sites; you are incredibly immature and believe that you’ll be 20-something forever; you love to perform and lay it on thick, delighting in your own ‘power’ over the opposite sex; you believe you deserve what you consider to be a goddess, and you are constantly judging the worth and value of the women you end up discarding, in the search for Ms Perfect. Feel free to add anything I may have missed or forgotten to the list.

In your dreams…

I don’t know what to tell you ladies who have fallen prey to the charms of Mr I-can’t-believe-how-sexy-I-am, but if it has happened to you several times, you are clearly going to have to rethink things. I am afraid that this is how it is in the modern world of dating, unfortunately, but surely you don’t have to keep falling into the same trap; maybe changing the type of guy you go usually go for, or being consciously aware the old familiar patterns (without becoming too paranoid and defensive!) would be helpful. I am sure you have tried both of those and other things too, but don’t give up hope, and don’t compromise yourself. If you are looking for a relationship, then don’t feel you should pretend that you’re not (but don’t be too pushy or desperate either, obviously!). I don’t know why these preened clones imagine that a woman who is taking her time to get to know them would actually say, and mean it, “oh, don’t worry, I’m not looking for a relationship either… let’s just waste precious time talking s**t and sexting!” In your dreams, a******s!