Confidence demystified….7 handy hints. You DO have it, and you CAN increase it!

How am I going to get the money together to buy that trike and that motorbike SOON……before the year moves on and slips away? I don’t know….exactly….for sure. 

Am I CONFIDENT that I WILL find a way? Well, I AM confident that I will absolutely do my best, and not give up. Giving up can never be an option. It isn’t just about the joys of cruising the roadways, of rolling up at bike rallies, laden down with all the trappings of comfortable camping (I know some who think that ‘real’ bikers should slum it and turn up without even a toothbrush, but I prefer to lay my drunken head on a pillow, in the wee small hours, and NOT spend a weekend with a mouth that tastes and smells like one of the portaloos, AFTER two hundred bikers have relieved themselves of gut – churning amounts of burgers and booze)…… is also about achievement, about keeping a promise to myself……about being able to shout “YES! I KNEW I could do it! I KNEW all of this self – belief – self – help stuff works!” I am confident that I will keep going.


So, what IS confidence? Well, I found the following explanation on the internet:

1. Feeling or showing confidence in oneself or one’s abilities or qualities.

2. Feeling or showing uncertainty about something.

NOW, so many customers have told me they have NO confidence, are afraid of the unknown, and are worried about trying anything new.  And not only do they lack confidence, they are fearful of failure. You can just HEAR the prison doors slamming SHUT, can’t you? Even I, re – reading the previous three lines, experienced a sinking heart and internal heaviness.

However, confidence is only EVER about familiarity! Everyone is confident about at least one aspect of their life……the stuff they know how to do, because they have done it over and over. Or because they tried something, and it just ‘clicked’ with them. Or because they just really enjoy doing something, without caring whether or not they are actually any good at it!

Anyway, here are 7 handy ‘confidence’ hints:

1) More confident is something we BECOME, over time. And we WILL become it, if we try new things, one at a time, or persist with something we wanted to do, and started, but then dropped. If we change nothing, we will grow old and die with the belief that we are unconfident…….and who on earth wants THAT as a legacy!

2) An outgoing personality is not a reliable indicator of confidence. Many people think that those who are chatty and communicative are naturally confident, but I have encountered a large number of outwardly lively folk who are unwilling to get out of their comfort zone……insisting they have no confidence!

3) Confidence does not equal arrogance…….confidence is warm, down to earth and enthusiastic! Confidence includes and encourages others. Arrogance excludes and belittles others. However, confidence DOES allow us to deliver genuine tough – love, when necessary!


4) Confidence allows us NOT to be at the mercy of negative, critical, passive – aggressive people who smile whilst they are sniping at us……we got ’em sussed!

5) People who are willing to try something new, with honesty and good humour, are generally more bearable and better received than those who continuously cringe and apologise! We can all sympathise with those who consistently put themselves down, but if they continue to maintain that mindset and approach, they become a little too high – maintenance! 

6) Working to become more confident, step by step, stretches us……..we lose some of our self – consciousness, enjoy ourselves more, become happier, and more likely to try even more new stuff……and it can all begin with something simple, like painting that picture, writing that story, joining a dance class……or in the case of one lady I know, serving on the check – out at her supermarket job, rather than stacking shelves……something she feared but was forced into, only to find she was really good with the customers! 

7) We can keep adding to our list of things at which we become confident, which will lead us to become even more confident!


So, don’t allow the belief that you lack confidence to keep you stuck in the same old place for one moment longer. Confidence is not a mystical quality, possessed only by a select few. And no – one has complete and utter confidence in all areas of life……we all have our weak spots! Confidence can definitely be developed, and it SHOULD be developed. Imagine how far our horizons can stretch, with just a bit of courage and persistence. Make a list of all of the areas of your life in which you already feel confident (for example: parenting, housework, exercise, cooking, reading, driving, your current job, communicating, organising, listening and advising, buying and selling, dancing, painting, writing, sport…….the list could be endless!), and keep adding to it, on a regular basis. Watch it grow, and NEVER claim to have NO confidence, ever again!


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